Bridezilla. We've all heard the term. What does it bring to mind? A bride throwing a tantrum during her dress shopping. When her bridesmaids don't plan the bachelorette party she feels she deserves. When her parents or fiancé won't pay to have the perfect color of rose shipped in from an English garden.
A bride throwing tantrums. Bottom line, that's a Bridezilla.
You just have to audibly gasp when you read some of these TRUE stories:
"I lost some weight between the time I agreed to be a bridesmaid and the wedding. Well, the bride threw me out of the wedding party because she wanted to be the skinny one on the stage!"
"The father of the bride had a heart attack, and as he was being carried out on the stretcher, the sobbing bride yelled, 'How could you ruin my wedding like this?!'"
"After the ceremony was over, the bride informed us that in order to save money, the wedding party wouldn't be served a meal along with the rest of the guests. She said, 'You already had the privilege of being in my wedding —what more can you ask for?'"
"The bride was blonde, and all the bridesmaids were brunette except me, so the bride asked me to dye my hair brown for the wedding because she wanted to be the only blonde."
Thanks to Liucija Adomaite and Ilona Baliūnaitė from BoredPanda for this compilation. There are plenty more examples in their article to enjoy...and if you want a good giggle, they also include the responses some of the brides received. https://www.boredpanda.com/bridesmaids-bridezilla-stories/
But tantrums can also come in the form of passive-aggressive speech or behavior. And it's just as stressful for everyone. Or maybe more so. At least when a bride is throwing a tantrum, you know what it's about, what's upsetting her and how she wants everyone to tow the line and fix it for her.
But that passive-aggressive behavior is in the same monster category. She just says bridezilla things in a gentler, quieter voice and leaves you wondering if she's really upset or not, what she's upset about, your part in upsetting her and how to fix it if you can (that is, if you even want to after all of her shenanigans!)
Where do I see Bridezillas in the stationery aspect of the wedding? I won't bore you with the obvious ones - like who makes it on the guest list or offending family and friends with the wording on the invitation. But there is one area in particular where that passive-aggressive monster comes out to terrorize. The headache of the RSVP.
A while back, a wedding planner friend of mine sent me this clip:
I had actually already read the Bride's post on one of my wedding Facebook groups. And I was flabbergasted.
I get the invitation RSVP headache. No, seriously, I do. I get it that your vendors need numbers ahead of the big day, which translates to money. I get it that you tried to simplify the RSVP process by providing a QR code on the invitation or a self-addressed (expensively) stamped card they can just take less than a minute to complete and drop it in a mailbox. I get it, really I do.
But let's think about this.
Approximately 20% of guests (on average) will decline the invitation.
Of those who accept the invitation, approximately 5-10% won't attend anyway for a variety of reasons. (Hint - LIFE HAPPENS!)
So for everyone who declines or no-shows...are you going to send them a bill for the catering cost? Or how about charging a fee from those who did attend to help offset the cost of those who didn't?
I hope you're honing in on my sarcasm about how ludicrous these questions are. They are your GUESTS. They're not throwing the wedding and reception - you are. It's not their big day - it's yours. YOU don't have the option of not showing up. There will still be a wedding if a (larger than you expected) percentage doesn't show.
So what am I going on about? Let's keep things in perspective, people. The statistics are out there - plan accordingly.
But even if you plan well...statistics also say that 25-30% of guests WON'T RSVP so you're left to wonder. Talk about stressful. SO PLAN FOR THAT TOO. You are not the first bride to have this happen - don't take it personally. Why are we all so easily offended these days? If you're inviting someone, it's generally assumed it's because you like each other. Do you really think they're saying to themselves, "Well, I've decided that I want to give my friend the gift of stress, so I won't RSVP?"
Of course not. So being a passive-aggressive bridezilla posting about RSVP deadlines on FB is not going to relieve any of your stress. It just makes you sound rude. And catty. And snarky. Do you REALLY want to put that vibe out there for all the world to see? Do you think it's going to make those who didn't respond suddenly do so? I. Don't. Think. So.
So...STOP IT!
Passive-aggressive behavior will not a more perfect wedding day make. It'll just prove that you are the bridezilla that you've condemned others for being. STOP IT!
If your mother or your bridesmaids won't say it, I am...STOP IT!
If you are a MOB or bridesmaid and don't want to have that conversation, send her to this blog and I'll tell her she needs to STOP IT!
Because I have a stress-reducing solution. Let me make those RSVP follow-up phone calls for you. Seriously.
"Uh, excuse me?"
Yup - seriously.
I can take that stress off your plate. You don't have to spend hours making phone calls; I'll do that for you. That's why my business isn't just about stationery design - it's about all the time-saving services too. Addressing and mailing. Keeping your wedding website current. Managing your guest list. And calling those who haven't sent in their RSVP so you can have more accurate numbers for all your vendors. (If I call and leave a message and they don't call me back, I'll just keep calling; it's not going to offend me. I don't even know these people.)
With this current culture we live in, I'm sure my comments in this post have offended some of you. And I'm sorry you're offended. But I'm not sorry I said it.
So whether you're offended or not, reach out and let me help. As an encouragement to you to fight off that passive-aggressive bridezilla brewing beneath the surface, through the end of September, I'll give you a 15% discount on any of my secretarial services. Even if I didn't design your stationery. Isn't that a good trade for the stress? Email me.
Now I have to leave you. I have a lovely friend's wedding on Saturday and I need to go shopping. She's expecting me.
I sent in my RSVP.
Wait!
Did I?
You're amazing!