What Your Mother Tried To Teach You

After a time of vacation, you'd think I'd get back to blogging with a renewed vigor. However, as much as I love writing, when the view from my temporary North Carolina "office" is what you see in the photos above, you might not be surprised to learn that I'm still totally relaxed. If you had the opportunity to travel and then work on a rustic cabin deck on the side of a river in the middle of nowhere, wouldn't you take it? (Of course, the cabin has to have a decent wifi connection! Duh!)

Whatever stage you're in with your wedding planning, relaxing in the sunshine next to a river might be something you'd give your left arm for at this point. I get it. Putting together one of the most magical days of your life is hard work (stressful is an optional word here.)

Some brides thrive on it, those A-type personalities (you know who you are!) who love checklists and organizing things - and people!

Some brides are in the thick of it and wishing they could just elope - were it not for all those non-refundable deposits they've already paid. *See footnote

Some brides have a long way to go on their to-do list and are starting to get overwhelmed with all the decisions they have to make. *See footnote

And that's why I want to help you take a deep breath (sans the meandering river and rustic cabin) by giving some guidance when it comes to wording your stationery...for a kid-free wedding! Yup, I said it. Anyone need Tums for the instant heartburn you just experienced? Or Excedrin maybe?

The topic can be tricky to navigate, so let's see if we can wordsmith our way through this maze of strong, emotional opinions and come out on top.

Clearly communicating without standing on (too many) toes is the goal, so clear verbiage is they key. Just adding "no kids allowed" to your invitation is just...well...rude and offensive! It is possible to say without hurting too many feelings. Frame it positively. Don't you remember your mom telling you to say, "No thank you," instead of "Yuck?" Same principal applies.

Here are some suggestions:

"We love children but due to space restrictions, we cannot accommodate guests under the age of (insert # here). We appreciate your understanding."

"Following the ceremony, our reception will be an adult-only (21+) celebration. Thank you for understanding and planning accordingly."

"Our dream wedding venue doesn't accommodate small children. Sorry for any inconvenience this may cause. Thank you for your understanding."

"We politely request no children attend the ceremony and reception. Thank you in advance for understanding."

Did you catch the "thank you" refrain on each of those comments? That phrase is NOT optional if you want to communicate with any semblance of politeness or kindness. It softens any perceived blow. And I hope the length of the examples above shows how this information is for the insert card with your invitation, not on your invitation. Put it prominently on your wedding website too. And get the word out as early as possible to give parents time to make adequate plans.

Another way to gently reinforce this decision is in the way you address your save-the-date and invitation envelopes. Avoid using "& family." List the names of the family members who ARE invited so it is clear. Use those specific names on your online RSVP site. Or place the previously suggested wording options on your paper RSVP card where guests can see it again. Avoid ambiguity.

Can you imagine a toddler sitting at THIS reception table? Yeah, me neither.

Even with properly addressed invitations, tactful language on your insert card and website, and the information shared via word of mouth, there's always the chance that someone on your guest list will try to push back. Just remember, like with your other planning decisions, this is your wedding day, and you get to decide who's invited. Be sensitive when dealing with upset parents, but don't back down.

Still not sure about the best way to communicate your specific situation? Then send me a message and we can talk it through together. I'm sure there's a suitable solution out there...and it could earn you 20% off any of my services if you mention North Carolina when we talk! See, you can still benefit from me being here, even if you're not here with me.

Hmmm...maybe I should have left that last phrase unwritten.

*This is the footnote:

If you're even thinking about it, let me encourage you that wedding planners are worth every penny. Wisconsin/Minnesota brides, your money won't be better spent than hiring Marsha at Distinctly Yours Weddings & Events for the full planning experience. Or if you just need some guidance and someone to bounce ideas off of, talk to Sierra at Sweet Ivy Consulting, your virtual wedding planner. Tell them The Bride's Secretary sent you.